2015...Already??!

Goodness gracious.  I'm reminded  of something my mother told me many, many (manymanymany) years ago... I may even have still been in my single-digits;  she said "Honey, you'll find out one day that time moves faster when you get older".  Oh how I tried to wrap my head around that.  I couldn't.  Until it happened.  Until one day I heard myself utter "where does the time g~... oooohhhhhhhh."

Anyway, it's almost 2 weeks into the new year (Happy New Year, by the way) and I've been avoiding the blog way before two weeks ago.  So many reasons to blog, so many more excuses not to.  But mostly it's losing the balance between Blog-Equals-Motivation (good!) and Blog-Equals-Accountability (baaaaaad).   ~siiiggggghhhhh~

I have nothing to share that I haven't shared a hundred times already, except maybe this: I am officially at my all time heaviest.  Seriously; my lifetime heaviest.  Please allow me a silent moment of self pity and wallow... ... ... ... ... ... (whimper whimper) ... ... ... ... ...

Thank you.

It feels like I'm trying to jump out from a diabolical round of Double Dutch. 
Benjamin Franklin went to France
To teach the ladies how to dance.
First the heel, and then the toe,
Spin around and out you go
~jump jump jump~ okay ... okay ... out I go ... wait a minute ... jump jump jump ... out I ... out I ... out I ... hold on ... jump jump jump ...  First the heal, and then the toe, Spin around and out I ... hold on ... jump jump jump ...

Maybe if I skipped the cookies for skipping rope, I'd actually friggin' lose some weight!!!  ARGHHHH!!!  Even my analogies are workin' against me!  What the hell, man!!!

So what am I to do, my faithful readers?  I motivate myself so easily, and fall off the wagon just as easily.  January brings convenient excuses, just getting through the foodiest season of the year and entering hibernation season (we're expecting sub-zero temperatures the next couple days, holy cow). 

I have everything I need to be successful: a modest goal (only 20 lbs weight loss), a treadmill, free weights, calm space in which to exercise, meditate and practice yoga, a dog that will take me for a walk any time I want, and just today I noticed it was a liiiiittle brighter than usual outside when I left the office (which is motivating in and of itself).  But I'm mired in this state of stagnancy.  And I'm feeling a little depressed about it.  And I'm feeling kind'a old.  And beat up.  And uncomfortable in my own skin, not to mention my dainties.  It's a sad situation when my bra (my once favorite bra) becomes uncomfortably tight without the benefit of needing a larger cup size.  Know what I'm sayin'?  At least I'd look better proportioned if The Girls gained weight with the rest of me. 

Whatever.  Now I'm just harping. 

And now I'll stop.  Y'know... I actually feel a little better.  I promise to try to be more diligent with my blogging (if any of you are still keeping an eye on me, even).  Pictures will resume.  And I'll try to get over myself and start making my way back to health and vibrancy.  I have things to do this year afterall: backpacking trips, yoga retreats, fishing vacations, motorcycle rides, lunch time jogs ... basically everything I used to do with ease. 

I WILL look like this again.